Laudetur Iesus Christus!
Veni Sancte Spiritu!
Solemnity of Pentecost
Okay so I may have said that I was not going to post today. Oh well. I feel like writing something before I pray II Vespers and Compline. Yes, I did pray Lauds and Office of Readings today … can’t testify to how attentively I did so but … moving on.
You ever have those times when you hear something and something else pops into your head from long ago that is somehow connected to it? Well, I had that this evening. Was listening to one of the homily podcasts I follow while neatening up my room. The priest was preaching for Pentecost (duh) and was talking about the Holy Spirit (double duh). He then said that the word “spirit” comes from the Hebrew word for “breath.” Suddenly, the word “ruah” popped into my head. What? I haven’t heard that word since my freshman year Scriptural Theology class. So, I paused the podcast and Googled it. Holy Muddah Church … all those years in Theology did stick after all! It seriously came out of nowhere. It just happened. I looked at my Infant and just laughed. He always knows how to reassure me that I have not totally lost it … yet.
I was kinda sad that it was not warmer and sunnier out today. I found my nifty black retro swimsuit that would allow me to get a more even tan on my shoulders (I have the most awkward tan lines from my straps)! I was more than willing to endure the minor penance of a mild sunburn just to show the world that I do in fact have some melanin in my skin and that I am not translucent (my dear sister reminds me of this fact quite often). I want to be able to wear a skirt without blinding the people around me. It’s not vanity … it’s concern for the well-being of others! Oh well, I hear tomorrow is supposed to be a bit better. Murphy’s Law is in effect at all times though so it will probably just be a re-run of today. Bah. At least I got a good swim out of it! No water in the ears = no horrible pains for Ms. Allie! YAY!
As you read in my last entry (at the very beginning), last week was not a very nice week for me on many levels. Again, I’ll spare you the details. It’s been weighing on my heart since and it’s really been causing a lot of issues with things around me. Being the almost excessively rational person I can be, I tend to think, “If ‘x’ is causing issues in an otherwise functional equation … get rid of it no matter what.” even when it involves people I really do love. Remember my remark about being an automaton? That’s from whence I get the idea of me being one of those sometimes. It’s almost scary how I can control my emotions sometimes. It’s almost unhealthy. *morbid lolz*
You see, I did not have the most memorable (in the positive sense) childhood. It was not my parents’ fault. I do have many good memories of my childhood, but there also are memories that I would never wish on my worst enemy. It’s a very long story. I’ve dealt with it my whole life. I could tell you stories. But I won’t. Let me just say that things were just getting back to “normal” when ‘x’ enters the equation. ‘X’ would be just fine if it did not carry with it other variables that only cause more issues than are necessary or healthy. Those anxiety attacks and flashbacks were just starting to go away … they came back with a vengeance and since then I have been dealing with them in the only way I know how: prayer and talking it over with people with whom I know I can trust this kind of stuff. Praise the Lord for good friends.
This leads to an experience I had today at Mass. ’twas very nice and it literally came outta nowhere. God is awesome like that.
Mass was pretty dead today (as in, there were not nearly as many people as there usually is at a noon Sunday Mass). Memorial Day weekend tends to be like that. They needed EMHCs so I signed up. At the appointed time, I went up and stood in the sanctuary. Yes, I know … how progressive of me. Don’t fret, I don’t stand on top of the altar figuratively like I have seen in some places. *facepalm* It wasn’t like I donned a stole and all the crap like that. I don’t want to go to Hell … I hear all they play is Haugen-Daaz backwards and in inclusive-inclusive language. Remember, inclusive language is not just the scourge of liturgy and spirituality but also the scourge of any person who has even the most basic grasp of English grammar and usage.
I am standing with my hands folded waiting for the Lord to come to me so that I may receive Him. On my heart were all the worries that have been weighing me down like an asbestos-covered lead weight soaked in arsenic. Before I receive Communion, I always offer my reception of Him for one or another intention. At this one, it was to take these things away if it was the will of God. Then suddenly, before He has even come to me, I hear in my heart, “Allie, I am your one and only solace.” Word for word, people. And the peace that overcame me at that point was wonderful. My whole mood changed after that. Holy Mother Church, I needed that. It was amazing. Really it was. It was ethereal in the literal sense of the word.
So yeah, that was pretty amazing. I just thought I would share that with you. I thought it was beautiful. God has amazing timing, doesn’t He?
It’s hard to believe that a week ago today I was putzing around at Festival. I miss it. Monday morning when I walked out of church post-Missam, I felt a pit in my heart. The whole campus had reverted to it’s non-Festival form and it made me sad. Festival weekend has always been my favorite weekend of the year because during that weekend, I have some of the best conversations with people and one can really just hang out and not have to worry about much. This year was no exception and then some. I do have one regret though: If a priest ever offers to pay you ten bucks to lie by calling “Bingo!” on a cover-all game when you don’t even have an actual bingo … do it. Why? How often will a priest offer to pay you to LIE?!?! Srsly. I am going to regret that until the day I die. Those opportunities only happen once in a lifetime and I royally blew it by having a conscience. WHY!??!?! (If you are in any way scandalized by that, I have advice for you: Get over it, priests are people too. Remember, they are men before they are priests. It’s kinda how it works. Srsly.)
Also, I need prayers for not just the issues I am dealing with to which I alluded earlier. There are other things. I won’t name names or anything like that. But I would really like the will of the Lord be done on something. Now, while I am totally open to the will of God on this … I am really hoping, thinking, praying, and all that it go one particular way. Yeah, you can’t bribe God. You can’t sway God. You can’t do any of that. But I seem to think that I can. Ha. What an ego I have, right? But yeah, please pray for that. God knows what the intention is so that’s all that matters. I really really really really would like this to work out but … God’s will be done.
All right. I have to pray the rest of my Office. After Compline, I have to change out volumes. We won’t be in Eastertide anymore … back to Ordinary Time or as my irreverent self calls it “Bore-dinary Time.” Why can’t we go back to having cool numeric things like the “Tenth Sunday after Pentecost?” I really like saying words like “Septuagesima” (though that’s the ninth Sunday before Easter). And don’t even get me started on “Quinquagesima Sunday” which is the Sunday before Ash Wednesday. See? The Extraordinary Calendar has cooler date names. But that’s just mine opinion. Take it or leave it, whate’er.
Have a nice night!